Love me Cancerously
by Poisonous Picasso
Summary: The story of L and BB's life as told by me. There will be lots of blood and gore and insanity so I hope everyone's cool with that. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Have you all missed me? I hope so c:. I'm home from school so I'll start posting again, probably some of my sketchy stories again. This is going to be an AU story about L and BB's future. It's not exactly what happens because I wanted to make up my own story. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note**

He was insane from the start.

I remember, the first moment I saw him. He was sitting alone underneath a tree, the sunlight playing games in his dark blonde hair. I was eight at the time, a short, bare-footed child with little hope in the future. I had only just come to the orphanage, had been there only for a night, and so far, no one showed any interest in me. But I was interested in them, I loved to people watch, loved to try to understand the way humans worked. But everyone at the orphanage seemed to be the same. Too smart for their own good, and too proud of it as well.

Everyone except him.

He sat by himself, eating jelly straight from the jar and staring out across the field, watching the other children play. His eyes were the red of fresh blood and his hair stuck out in crazy directions due to all the jelly he ran through it. Slowly, I made my feet move over to him, I needed a friend, I couldn't stand to be alone for much longer. He looked up as I approached, eyebrows raising slightly as he took me in.

I was quite the sight, with crazy black hair, and panda bear eyes. I was wearing a baggy white t-shirt, and jeans that would never fit me. My bare toes stuck out from beneath the cuffs, curling nervously into the grass. I offered him a toothless smile, and his mouth twitched up slightly at one corner.

"What's your name?" My voice was light and naïve. I practically sang the words with childlike innocence. For a moment, I didn't think he was going to answer, he stared at me, his eyes wide and scared. It was almost as though he'd never seen another child before. He dug his hand into the jar of jelly and I winced. I hated having anything sticky on my hands. He licked the jelly off slowly and then finally, he spoke.

"My name's Beyond." He said quietly, his voice was like that of a venomous snake. A chill went straight up my spine when I heard it, but there was a darker part of me that loved it. He patted the patch of grass beside him with one, sticky hand, "Why don't you sit down?" I hesitated for only a moment. There seemed to be something off about him, but I didn't pay any mind, instead I walked over and sat down beside him, pulling my knees to my chest and staring at him.

He was strangely beautiful. He had sharp, angular features, and pale skin. He looked very familiar, like someone I knew but couldn't place. He sucked the jelly off his fingers and the moments passed by in silence. Finally, he turned to me, looking me over with speculating eyes. "What's your name?" He asked, but it didn't sound like a question, it was almost a demand. I looked down at my bare toes, lacing my fingers through them before finally daring to look up again.

"My name is L." I said softly, and I could immediately see the confusion flit across his face. It was the name I was given upon entering the orphanage. He had on, too, no one would actually name their child Beyond. I smiled at him, trying to ease the awkward tension of being looked over so acutely. Then he offered me his jar of jelly, and I paused. Gingerly, I stuck one finger into the sticky goo, pulling it out and sucking the stuff off, trying to get rid of all the stickiness.

"Want to be best friends?" The question shocked me and I visibly jumped, before smiling around my finger. I popped it out of my mouth and nodded vigorously. He returned my smile with one of his own. It wasn't right, though, almost like a cut in the face of a porcelain doll. But there was something about it that dragged me in, it was beautiful. He was beautiful.

"You have to take a blood oath, then. We have to become blood best friends." The words scared me, and I hesitated. I didn't want to bleed, bleeding made me squeamish and sometimes I even passed out. But his eyes drew me in, they pleaded with me and squeezed at my heart until I couldn't say no.

"How are we going to do it?" I asked softly. I could hardly believe I was giving into this. His smile widened, and I couldn't help but smile back. I didn't know it then, but I was already in love. I didn't know all the things that I would do for this boy, all the lives I would take, and all the hours I would put into it for him. If I had known that, though, I don't think I would have done it any differently. I loved him so much, I _still _love him. Although I'll never see him again.

Anyway, he stood up, and with a sudden flurry of motion, threw the jar to the ground. It hit a rock and shattered immediately, spilling glass shards all over the ground inches from where I was sitting. Then he picked up on of the bigger shards of glass and turned to me. "Hold out your hand." I hesitated for only a second before I did as I was told, extending my hand out towards him. He stepped closer to me, and dug the shard into my palm, I winced and bit my lip fighting off the black dots that were already obscuring my vision. I looked down at my hand and my breath caught in my throat. Ruby liquid was running down the pale underside of my arm, I bit my lip and looked up just in time to watch Beyond dig the shard into his own hand.

"Now we have to shake hands." He said, matter-of-factly. I stood up, we were almost the same height, but he was an inch or two taller, I had also already started slouching, which was probably the biggest reason he was taller than me. I held out my trembling hand and he took it in a grip and held me tightly for a few moments before letting me go, I looked at him and he smiled at me. A real smile.

"Now we're blood brothers." He said. I still have the scar in my hand, and I can still hear those words to this second, almost as though no time has gone by. It's been years since then, and I still remember them. After that, the dinner bell rang, and Beyond smiled at me. "Sit by me!" He demanded. And of course I did. Because I would do anything for him, I still would.

It didn't take long for things to go bad, of course. When you're close to the insane it never does. I'll never forget the first time I got to watch him lose his mind. It was only a few months after we'd become friends, we'd gone exploring one day and had claimed the attic as our territory. We were up there when it happened, he was sitting on the window seat staring out across the field. He did this often, I think he liked to watch the children play.

"Why am I not like them? His voice was soft, full of pain. I looked up from where I was drawing on the floor, a large white piece of paper spread out beneath me. "What do you mean?" He looked at me, running his hands through his hair frantically, tears brimmed in his beautiful ruby eyes. Even as a child, he was gorgeous. I bit my lip, his moods had been unpredictable recently and I wondered briefly if I should get help.

"Why can't I play games with the rest of them?" I didn't know what to say, and suddenly he stood up, punching the wall and dropping his jelly jar. It shattered, just like it did the first time. I didn't understand what was happening, I couldn't make out what this all meant. I was helpless, although I wanted nothing more than to be able to help him.

Suddenly, he punched through the window, his hand was torn to pieces, blood ran down his wrists and from under his feet. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, I wasn't scared of him. But I was hurting for him. He climbed up onto the window seat, his head out the open window and I feared for a moment that he was going to jump, but he didn't, instead he just stood there, letting the breeze ruffle through his dirty blonde hair before he stepped back in.

He picked up a shard of glass and looked at me. His eyes were hollow, he looked possessed. "Do you want to see me bleed?" His voice was soft, almost gentle, and I stood up at the sound of it. This wasn't him, it wasn't real. I stepped forward and grabbed his wrist. "Don't do it." I said, not even noticing when my hand fell into his blood. He jerked his wrist away and held the glass shard against it, drumming his fingers of the other end. And then, he dropped it, falling to his knees and beginning to sob.

I crouched before him, reached out and pulled his head to my chest, he wrapped both his arms around me, pulling me so close that we practically became one. We stayed like that, him sobbing into my shirt and me caressing his hair until he fell asleep. Then I quietly laid him down on the red-stained paper and began to clean up the mess.

**That's it for chapter one! Woo!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I**** hope all my loverly readers had a good weekend! I know I did. Now I'm going to write chapter two of this chill story, bros. **

**Disclaimer: I still don't and never will own Death Note**

"We could do it you know." The words stunned me, I'd been lounging, almost asleep in our small attic. My eyes shot open, and I sat up, turning to look at Beyond. We were both eleven, and already the insanity had begun to eat away at his body. He was thin, almost grotesquely so, his hair had gotten longer and it still stuck up in random places. But the biggest changes were in his eyes, when I had first met him, Beyond had looked startlingly human, and now that was almost gone. His eyes held a strange, animalistic light to them that I couldn't decipher.

"Do what?" It had taken me some time to find my voice. It was clear by his dazed look that he was still lost in thought. Slowly, his eyes flickered over me, those beautiful red orbs trailing over my face, taking in every detail. It was then that I had begun to realize that I loved him. It wasn't the sweet, childlike romance that you'd expect. It was something intense, something that I was far too young for. But it was there, just beneath the veil of innocence.

He rolled his eyes, clearly irritated that I wasn't more attuned to his thoughts. "Escape." I stared at him blankly, I couldn't quite understand what he wanted. "Run away. Leave this place. You and I could do it." He elaborated finally, and fear sunk deep into my chest when I realized what he was planning.

"No." I said the word without much thought. "No, we couldn't do it. We _won't _do it." I stressed, but he was lost in though again. Somehow I knew, even then, that he'd be able to talk me into it. But I would fight, I wouldn't let him have that kind of control over me. He'd been losing it slowly, the other children feared him. But not me, I would never be afraid of him.

"I want to," he said softly, almost pleadingly. He turned to look out the window, drawing his knees tight against his chest and resting his chin upon them. "I hate it here, this isn't where I belong." He reached idly between his feet, picking up his jelly jar and stared at it blankly. There were so many emotions running behind those gorgeous red eyes, I could feel it. They were turned away from me, and still I could sense the emotions. Anger, fear, loneliness, they radiated off of him.

"But you are here. I'm here. We belong together." I said, my voice shook with the truth of my words. Wherever he was, I needed to be there, too. I couldn't imagine my life without him, he was my best friend, and soon he'd be my lover. He was quiet for a long moment, and I was beginning to miss the sound of his voice. Then he turned to look at me, his eyes caught the sunlight from the window turning them even more vibrant, making him appear supernatural.

"That's why you need to come with me." His words resonated deep within my chest. It wasn't just a request anymore, it was a demand. I _had _to come with him. There was no talking him out of this, it was just a fact. He was going to leave, and he needed me to survive. He was mentally ill, everyone could tell, there were times when he talked to someone none of us could see, he screamed about numbers floating above people's heads, and he was always scarily good at guessing someone's demise. I swallowed against the dryness in my throat, nodding softly.

"O-Okay." I said and he smiled, his eyes lighting up as he pounced off the window seat, pulling me close to him in a suffocating hug. I squeezed him back, wrapping my arms around his skinny body and clutching the fabric of his shirt desperately. I breathed in his scent, the sweetness of strawberry jam and the darkness of insanity. It was a beautiful mixture, and I never wanted to let go of him. I couldn't breathe without him. But soon, he pulled away and we began to plot our escape.

The date of our departure came far too quickly. We were going to leave in the middle of the night, and had both packed our suitcases the night before. I had fallen asleep despite the excitement, and was awoken to a light tapping on my wrist. Beyond's hands were cold, his fingers automatically chilling my veins. I sat up, excited to see him, a smile already forming on my young face. He returned it, but again, something was off about it, it looked like someone had cracked the face of a porcelain doll. He was still beautiful to me. He was always beautiful to me.

In one hand he clasped a jar of jelly; it seemed to be his sustenance, what he lived on. I often wondered if jelly would bleed from him. But I'd never had the guts to cut him and find out. It would have hurt me to hurt him. He was wearing his usual, black garments, they hung loose and baggy off of him, his feet were bare, toes curling against the cool, hard wood of my bedroom floor. I crawled out of my bed, grabbing a shirt off my floor and pulling it over my head, he held one finger to his lips, and took my hand pulling me out of the room.

That was the last night I slept peacefully, after the night of our escape, I rarely slept again. I have bruises under my eyes; they never seem to go away.

We got out into the hallway, the snores of innocent children mocking us as we walked. I was so tired I could barely stand, but the adrenaline was fixing that quickly. I was excited, my heart was pounding against my ribcage like a caged bird. We walked slowly down the stairs, testing each one to see if it would creak before stepping down onto it. When we finally reached the dayroom, I couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Shouldn't they keep this place guarded?" My voice made Beyond jump, and he turned to look down at me, red eyes glimmering in the little sliver of moonlight. He looked more beautiful than I'd ever seen him, standing in the silvery moonlight of the night, dirty blonde hair gleaming with a health I didn' know he possessed. His eyes were bright, demonic as he stared down at me, he was only a few inches taller. In that moment, I wanted to kiss him. I've long since regretted not doing so.

"They trust us too much." His answer was simple, as most of them were. He always seemed to get right to the point of things. I lifted on shoulder in a half shrug, running my thumb across the back of his hand before I dropped it. We didn't say anything more, only glanced at each other as we walked through the creaky orphanage. When we reached the door, it dawned on me what we were doing. We were leaving the only place that had ever loved us, our parents were gone, and we were going to leave their replacements. Tears pricked at my eyes and I tugged Beyond's hand, sniffling pathetically in the otherwise silent building.

He turned sharply to look at me and I shook my head. "I can't." I said softly and he rolled his eyes. With firm but gentle fingers he clasped my chin, holding tightly to my face so I was forced to make eye contact.

"Yes, you can. We've planned this out and I'm not giving up. Let's go." And with that he dropped my face, tightened his hold on my hand and pulled me out the front door.


End file.
